What Do I Say Now?

It’s often hard to know what to say or do when someone is grieving. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing or making the person feel even worse. While you can’t take away the pain of the loss, there are many ways you can help a   grieving friend or family member.

The death of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult experiences. The bereaved struggle with many intense and frightening emotions, including depression, anger, and guilt. Often, they feel isolated and alone in their grief. Having someone to lean on can help them through the grieving process.

Don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone who is grieving. Now, more than ever, your support is needed. You might not know exactly what to say or what to do, but that’s okay. You don’t need to have answers or give advice. The most important thing you can do for a  grieving person is to simply be there. Your support and caring presence will help them cope with the pain and begin to heal.

 UNDERSTANDING THE BEREAVEMENT PROCESS

The better your understanding of grief and how it is healed, the  better equipped you’ll be to help a bereaved friend or family member:

· There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. It can be an emotional rollercoaster, with unpredictable highs, lows, and setbacks.  Everyone grieves  differently, so avoid telling the bereaved what they “should” be feeling or doing.

· Grief may involve extreme emotions and behaviors. Feelings of guilt, anger, despair, and fear are common. A grieving person may yell to the heavens, obsess about the death, lash out at loved ones, or cry for hours on end. The bereaved need reassurance that what they’re feeling is normal. Don’t judge them or take their grief reactions personally.

· There is no set timetable for grieving.

For many people, recovery after bereavement takes 18 to 24 months, but for others, the grieving process may be longer or shorter. Don’t pressure the bereaved to move on or make them feel like they’ve been grieving too long. This can actually slow their healing.

WHAT TO SAY

It is common to feel awkward when trying to comfort someone who is grieving. Many people do not know what to say or do. The following are suggestions to use as a guide:

· Acknowledge the situation.   

    Example: "I heard that your_____ died." Use the word "died" That will show that you are more open to talk about how the person really feels.

· Express your concern.          

   Example: "I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you."

· Be genuine in your communication and don't hide your feelings.

Example: "I’m not sure what to say, but I want you to know I care."

· Offer your support.                

   Example: "Tell me what I can do for you."

   Ask how he or she feels, and don't assume you know how the bereaved person feels on any given day.

Source: American Cancer Society

COMMENTS TO AVOID

· "I know how you feel."

 One can never know how another may feel. You could, instead, ask your friend to tell you how he or   
 she feels.

· "It's part of God's plan."    

    This phrase can make people angry and they often respond with, "What plan? Nobody told me about 
    any plan."

· "Look at what you have to be thankful for."                         

    They know they have things to be thankful for, but right now they are not important.

· "He's in a better place now."

    The bereaved may or may not believe this. Keep your beliefs to yourself unless asked.

· "This is behind you now; it's time to get on with your life." 

    Sometimes the bereaved are resistant to getting on with because they feel this means "forgetting" their loved one. In addition, moving on is easier said than done. Grief has a mind of its own and works at its own pace.

 Statements that begin with "You should" or "You will." These statements are too directive. Instead you
 could begin your comments with: "Have you thought about. . ." or "You might. . ."

Source: American Hospice Foundation

BECOME A HOSPICE VOLUNTEER

Want to have more meaning in your life? Do you want to do something that is satisfying and of great service to your community? Then become a Hospice volunteer! 

Volunteers are needed for the Northern Virginia area such as Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, Burke, Manassas, Lorton to name just a few to service families of the terminally ill. Becoming a hospice volunteer is similar to helping a neighbor in need. 

The only qualification required is your desire to help someone in need. You don't need any medical skills; you don't even need a college degree; you don't even need to know what to say. All you need to do is sign-up for our hospice volunteer training session coming soon.

Call today at (703) 392-7100, ask for the Volunteer Coordinator, to find out more about the hospice volunteer opportunity.

You can make a difference! 

Communicating With Dementia Patients

Dementia is a disorder that damages the brain cells. The affects of the disorder occur in stages over a period of years, beginning with short-term memory loss, eventually leading to an inability to properly care for one's self. It can cause hallucinations, violent behavior, and mood swings. To care for a dementia patient requires compassion and understanding, but above all, it requires patience.

Hospice physician Larry Hedgepath developed the following ‘pearls of wisdom’ for working with dementia patients, based on his experience as a doctor and a caregiver for his mother.

Educating yourself is vital if you are caring for a loved one at home. The more you know about dementia, its stages, and what to expect, the better equipped you will be to handle situations as they arise. Each dementia patient progresses through the disease differently and experiences different symptoms. Below are some suggestions for when communicating with dementia patients.

Distract, don’t confront:

When your patient starts talking about something completely ‘off the wall’ don’t correct him. For example, your patient is pacing the floor. You ask him what is wrong and he responds that he is waiting for his father to pick him up. Don’t say “Your father has been dead for 25 years.” He is operating in a different place and time. Instead ask where they are going when his father picks him up, and then ask him what they are going to do. Chances are that he will get so involved in his story that he will forget his original frustrations.

Demonstrate, don’t instruct:

Dementia patients, like children, retain their ability to imitate long after their comprehension is gone. If you want them to perform a simple task, go through the motions yourself, one step at a time, wait for them to perform that step, then demonstrate the next step. If you get frustrated and give up  and do the task yourself, they will sense your frustration and feel rejected. Reminders of their inability to please are a constant source of agitation. Praise their successes, because they want to please you, and say “Good job!”

One thing at a time:
Don’t give your patient a verbal list of things you are going to do during your visit. Tell them what you are going to do right now and subsequently tell them each thing you are going to do before you do it.

Tell, don’t ask:

Dementia patients recognize the inflection of your voice when you are asking a question. They respond with ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but may not have a clue what the question was. Furthermore, they may not know the context of the question. For example, “Do you want to get dressed?” they may say no because they did not really understand the question, or they may be mentally at a different place and time where getting dressed may not be the thing to do. Instead say, “We are getting dressed now.”


Become a Hospice Volunteer

Want to have more meaning in your life? Do you want to do something that is satisfying and of great service to your community? Then become a Hospice volunteer!

Volunteers are needed for the Northern Virginia area such as Arlington, Alexandria, Falls Church, Burke, Manassas, Lorton to name just a few to service families of the terminally ill. Becoming a hospice volunteer is similar to helping a neighbor in need.

The only qualification required is your desire to help someone in need. You don't need any medical skills; you don't even need a college degree; you don't even need to know what to say. All you need to do is sign-up for our hospice volunteer training session coming soon.

Call today at (703) 392-7100, ask for the Volunteer Coordinator, to find out more about the hospice volunteer opportunity.

You can make a difference!

Hospice Volunteers For Veterans - We Honor Veterans

For many, Memorial Day is an extra day off from work, picnics with family and friends, outdoor activities and hunting for the best sales. Memorial Day is much more than eating too much, having fun and seeing how much money you can save.

America's Veterans have done everything asked of them in their mission to serve our country and it is never too late to give them a hero's welcome home. It may surprise you that 25 percent of all deaths in the US are Veterans. That's 1,800 people a day; more than 680,000 Veterans every year! These heroic Americans deserve recognition for their military service, particularly at the end of life's journey.

Medi Home & Hospice is a partner of the We Honor Veterans program that was developed by the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization in collaboration with the Department of Veterans Affairs. The goal is to help improve the care Veterans receive from hospice and palliative care providers.

The focus of the We Honor Veterans program is on:

• Respectiful inquiry
• Compassionate listening
• Grateful acknowledgement

What is the importance of the We Honor Veterans Program?

• Volunteers are essential to the delivery of quality hospice care.
• Veterans are a part of a distinct culture with their own common language and experiences.
• When Veterans interact, their common language and experience can form a strong relational bond.
• The camaraderie created between Veterans has proven to be supportive for all involved.

Volunteers are crucial to hospice patients and their families. They provide support that helps enhance the patient's quality of life and reduces the family care giving burden. 

Hospice Volunteers can make an impact in many different ways:

• Assist in reminiscing/telling life stories
• Listen
• Read a book, the Bible
• Life review
• Caregiver Respite
• Show respect
• Tell them "thank you for your service"

How do I become a volunteer?

At Medi Home & Hospice we are welcoming any compasionate, caring person to become a volunteer! There are many opportunities to volunteer in your community as we have patients throughout Northern Virginia. We have opportunities ranging from companionship care, musical ministry to pet therapy and office support.

If you have any questions or are interested in becoming a Hospice Volunteer, please call:

Ilene Danforth, Hospice Volunteer Coordinator
(703) 392-7100
email idanforth@msa-corp.com

We want to thank all our dedicated Hospice Volunteers!

You are precious people making a difference day by day!

Hospice Volunteers Make A Difference

Medi Home & Hospice is about helping individuals and their families make their journey less lonely by sharing the best days possible as they deal with a life-limiting illness. It's about adding quality of life and helping you live those days as you choose. Our hospice care services provide a specialized program of care provided for patients and their families. This specialized program and the care you receive is coordinated by a team of professionals that include:

• Patients' Personal Physicians
• Registered Nurses
• Home Health Aides
• Social Workers
• Chaplains
• Speech, Physical and Occupational Therapists
• Trained Volunteers

A hospice volunteer can do many things with their patients' based on their level of ability. They will walk with them, read to them, make cards with them, but, sometimes, they are there to keep them company or just holding their hand means so much. Unspoken communication is a large part of a hospice volunteer's word. Many times all that is needed is the power of presence.

Other examples of what a hospice volunteer can do include but are not limited to:

• Showing compassion for and provide support to patients and families
• Write letters, read, talk or listen and provide other supportive acts of kindness
• Provide relief to family members
• Provide administrative support in the hospice office
• Are responsible and dependable
• Complete volunteer training
• Complete regular inservices

Note: It's recommended that surviving family members to wait a minimum of one year following the death of a close loved-one before serving as an active hospice volunteer.

Your contribution as a hospice volunteer may help you, too! It will make life seem more valuable and significant. It will give you opportunities for personal growth and a sense of caring for others.

If you have interest in helping making someones journey less lonely or just need more information about how you can make a difference as a hospice volunteer call:

Medi Home and Hospice at (703) 392-7100

and ask for the Volunteer Coordinator